Women leading women is more powerful than words can express. It’s apparent all throughout history and different cultures that when women come together for one purpose, the earth shakes. The saying “it takes a village” simply comes from the fact that in many cultures, it is the responsibility of women to not only raise their own children, but the other children in the village. It’s mentorship at it’s finest.
The same can be said for raising leaders. “It takes a village” or “a team” or a “great organization.” But the secret trait that us women are born with, that often times far exceeds male leaders, is that gift of empathy. Empathy is the foundation for any process to grow leaders. It’s the foundation for a teacher and student relationship and one that has to be established long before growth begins to show.
Here’s a simple process of mentorship that includes five steps. It’s a “rinse and repeat” model that can be used in any mentorship situation. Remember, relating to your mentee and being empathetic is the foundation for this process.
What does it mean to listen? It’s two part. Silence of the tongue and silence of the mind. Listening involves nothing else other than hearing. When you listen, you take in information and your mind begins to process it. However, if you are quick to generate your own ideas then share it, you can easily miss the truth within what is being communicated.
Consider this. When you hear an unknown sound you don’t immediately try to jump to conclusions to assume what you think it is. You pause and listen, oftentimes silencing yourself and stilling your body. You hear the sound and search to understand its meaning.
The same process relates to communicating and listening to others. Silence is golden, and it is one of the most effective traits that a leader can bear.
Silence can sometimes be awkward. However, this is the moment where the leader generates their own ideas. This is the space where the understanding can be processed and generalized to relay a response to what has been said.
The response may be an answer to a question, a repeating back of what has been said, an acknowledgment of a complaint or just empathy. But the pause allows the leader a moment of reflection and quick organization of thoughts so that what is communicated is clear and relatable.
A response from a mentor should always be relatable and include elements of storytelling. Mentoring is about growing another person. If a leader spends all the “response time” sharing their individual stories or what only relates to them, they will lose the attention of the mentee and the relationship of trust.
Rephrasing or repeating back what has been shared establishes clarity for both the mentor and the mentee. The response can then follow with examples or direction to support the topic being discussed. It is obvious that using real life examples or personal experiences does carry relational value; however, when guiding others, storytelling always brings the focus back to the individual and provides a response that directs the mentee to a solution.
Talkspace refers to the mentor/mentee meeting schedule and the consistency and discipline that comes with creating this space. Meeting times and locations are important to establish at the beginning of a mentoring relationship. It is best practice to meet with a mentee at least once a month for the first six months of the mentorship. If time and schedules allow for more frequent communication, a relationship can be built faster and a response to the leadership growth can be applied across multiple situations that may arise for the mentee. Regardless, consistency is the priority.
In order to make the most use of the Talkspace, it is valuable for the mentor to come with an agenda and the mentee to come with a list of their own topics and discussion points. Communicating these items before the meeting will make the Talkspace run efficiently and allow time for each party to address their points of interest.
How do you tell a story without focusing the attention on yourself? It’s all in the response that is given to the mentee’s questions or explanation of current circumstances. The response involves capturing the attention of the mentee through either a question or a relational comment.
Take for example the statement of a mentee being, “I have no idea how to handle an insubordinate employee.” A typical response would be, “Well, you do XYZ.” However, a response from a storytelling leader would include a comment such as, “Imagine you are the insubordinate employee, what response would a leader provide that would compel you to correct your actions or admit to mistakes?”
By this one question, you have captured the mentee’s attention and associated a response to empathy and relation. Whether that relation is to you as a leader or to the insubordinate employee, neither makes a difference. The impact that is there is now a “realistic” element of perspective.
Finally, storytelling should bring your mentee to action. The mentee has now been somewhat caught off guard by your question or comment. They are sensing the emotions and truth within a given situation. The conversation can then lend itself towards a direction of answers. This is where you provide your expertise, your experience, everything your wisdom and lessons learned have taught you. You deliver this as a thought leader to the mentee in which you provide the direction to GUIDE them to the answer (rather than you GIVE the answer).
The follow-up is probably the most powerful of all steps. The conversations have been had and now it’s time for action on the part of the mentee. Follow-up should occur immediately after the meeting in which the mentor sends an email/call summarizing everything discussed and reaching out for continued support and desire to know how implementation occurs.
The next steps of follow-up continue along a timeline that has been established for the mentor/mentee relationship. In between the meeting dates, the mentor should continue to reach out to the mentee as a method of building the relationship as well as responding to any questions or ideas that come up. For the mentee, it is important that they know that their mentor is readily available to their concerns or in their opinion, a crisis that may occur under their leadership.
Now’s the time to sit back and watch your mentorship play out. As the mentee continues to relay progress, positive or negative, to the mentor, the mentor should conduct their own personal reflection of how their leadership in this individual’s situation is providing continued success or a delay in progress. Not only should the mentor be observing the mentee’s application of lessons taught, but they should also be reflecting on the facilitation of discovery that is presented to the mentee.
As the leader grows, so goes those under their care. The “repeat” step as a part of this process refers to the continued conversations that occur over the relationship timeline of a mentor/mentee interactions. With each new interaction, these five steps should be applied. And the underlying key to success for this relationship is ALWAYS reflection on the part of both parties.
“Loyalty to the leader reaches its highest peak when the follower has personally grown through the mentorship of the leader.”
John Maxwell
